MY OWN HELL

Standing at the entry point of hell, the one question you would never want the devil to ask is “Why did you not save your soul?” So here I am, fighting frantically to save mine.
At any other crossroads in my life the question has always been; CAN I WAKE UP AND STILL LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR?
So maybe I have grown tired of looking at myself in the mirror trying to convince myself that one day karma is not going to shatter the state of my life to a million little pieces and force me to understand that every action has a reaction. Cliché as it might sound, I have come to believe in cycles, yes cycles.. Things happen in a circular manner, today the universe is smiling at you, and tomorrow you’re confronted by fire and brimstone. So now maybe I have decided to look at life a little differently, LAUGH UNTILL YOUR SIDES HURT, LOVE WILDLY, SMILE UTILL YOUR MOUTH HURTS TOO  AND LIVE………. LIVE EVERYDAY REMEMBERING THAT YOU ARE AT THE BRINK OF GREATNESS. …………YOUR OWN GREATNESS.

NEW WAY TO SEE LIFE

Standing at the entry point of hell, the one question you would never want the devil to ask is “Why did you not save your soul?” So here I am, fighting frantically to save mine.
At any other crossroads in my life the question has always been; CAN I WAKE UP AND STILL LOOK AT MYSELF IN THE MIRROR?
So maybe I have grown tired of looking at myself in the mirror trying to convince myself that one day karma is not going to shatter the state of my life to a million little pieces and force me to understand that every action has a reaction. Cliché as it might sound, I have come to believe in cycles, yes cycles.. Things happen in a circular manner, today the universe is smiling at you, and tomorrow you’re confronted by fire and brimstone. So now maybe I have decided to look at life a little differently, LAUGH UNTILL YOUR SIDES HURT, LOVE WILDLY, SMILE UTILL YOUR MOUTH HEARTS AND LIVE………. LIVE EVERYDAY REMEMBERING THAT YOU ARE AT THE BRINK OF GREATNESS. …………YOUR OWN GREATNESS.

NOBODY ELSE WILL EVER UNDERSTAND.

I wrote your name in the pages of my heart but like words written on sand, nobody but me got to read them... nobody but me understands.

I thought about you in every waking memory, but like smoke from a fire built on paper.. only I got to see my thoughts burn and whither into nothingness.

I hear your voice still echo through my body, but like lyrics to a long forgoten pop song, sung before I fell inlove... nobody but me know the words to the songs you made me sing.

nobody else will ever understand..
nobody else will ever be you..

MY EXISTANCE IS YOU...

What you are looking for has always been here,
And every time you looked at me, l felt transparent,
Not because you were looking
But because you were not seeing.
You are my existence and my existence is you.

The treasure you are looking for, has not always been in a chest under the sea
It once floated on the surface but was weighted down by your desire for more
How selfish you are to not see the beauty before the storm came
Battering and bruising me
The sun beating down on my like flames from hell
How greedy are you to not see the riches of my soul,
Before the heaviness of my desire to be worth more sank me to the bottomless ocean.
But still in the depths of the ocean of my being
You are my existence and my existence is you.

What you are looking for has always been here
And everytime you looked at me
I felt naked
Not because of the shape you found me in
But because everytime you look at me
I see you still see past me still
Not because you are not seeing me
But because now you see what I was
Help me see me through your eyes because I am blind.
I have always been blind
You are my existence
My existence is you

TIME IS FOR THE TAKING....

The only time machine in existence is a clock or a watch, and we know how that moves, forward only and never against the gains of the sands of time. We only have to look at ourselves and our lives to see the impact of time and try as we may to go against the grains of the sands of time, as it were, we can’t. So live, laugh and love…..in an ideal world, waking up every morning, living, laughing and loving goes without saying.

In our lived reality however, the simplest things are often the hardest to do, not because they are impossible, contrary to popular belief, it is easier to wake up bitter, resentful and angry at the world than it is to wake up and take responsibility.

The simplest way to move on is not only getting up when life deals you what should be a deathly blow but also getting up gracefully and that much wiser than when u fell. And like living… this isn’t easy and like all the upbeat pop songs that we play at the gym the lyrics to the soundtrack of your life only make sense when you are out there living every line and even though sometimes the verses change, when its time for the chorus, make sure that the cycles you choose to repeat are those that put a faint smile on your face when u put your song on rewind and listening to the beat…

THE BORDER

I crossed the line into no man’s land
My feet are aching, not because I have walked
But because I have arrived
My heart is heavy, not because I have left home
But because I have found a home
The air seems different here
Heavy with promises
Intoxicating with the smell of freedom
My lids are heavy, not through lack of sleep
But because now, I can see a future
My hands are heavy
Not because I have carried all I own with them
But because I have put down my gun
This was me, coming into the promise land

I now look back
I tighten the towel around my sleeping baby
I heave the load onto my head and as the weight of it pulls me down
I pick up my gun and try see through my clouding eyes
The air seems different here
Again the smell of danger and oppression, death and hunger assault my nostrils
As I cross into no man’s land
My feet hurt
Not because I have been walking
But because now, I will have to run.

GRATITUDE

The summer to my life has been coloured with clouds of rain and I endured a thunderstorm and after the rains have gone, I am so full of gratitude. I walked my whole life without direction and every turn I took led me to the worst corners of my soul and there my demons wait for me to return. Yet, I am so full of gratitude.
I now know that the universe is round... All the corners are the spaces in my head. I cry more now than the day you left, there is nothing I did not say to make you stay. Thank you for not listening to my adolescent plea. I cry more now because I laugh more, I laugh till the echoes of my laughter reach that dark place where u left me. Looking back, like a ripened hand of knowing wisdom you set me free, the day you left me And I am so full of gratitude.

IF ONLY TO KNOW YOU

I ache to know u
To have u say to me all those things that I'v been longing to hear
To hear ur roaring laughter at my sillyness
To see you looking at me lovingly
To run away from the world into my place of safety, your arms
To have you there in the morning and to hear you say goodnight.

I would sell my soul
IF only to know you

Where's My bible

"come all ye that have faith"
"Seek his face and see his grace"
In that leather covering stand words that have healed the world
Brought comfort coverd in hope and cemented in faith

I sit, with my back turned to you
I want to tell you things that I know
Things to free your burdend soul
Things to make you see
Things that will make you feel
And put an end to the tears you cry

I want to hold out my hand and touch you
Break the shackles of your pain with a comforting gaze
Soothe the ache of your heart in my embrace
But I cant bring myself to lift my head and look at you
So i sit, with my back turned to you

I search within the graveyard that is my soul
Where have I buried your trust?
I search with my eyes around the room....
Where the fuck is my bible....

I need to tell you I'm sorry
I need to tell you that it was a temptation of the flesh..
I need to tell you that I am a God fearing man...
I need to tell you that your virginity was not mine to have
And i need to tell you that im late for Confession
If only I could find my bible...

I need to tell you that I will walk down the road
Into the cathedral and confess...
"Forgive me father for I have sinned"
But where the fuck is that damn bible?

DEAR CHILD

I watched you struggle out of what he called a baren womb
I watched you breath using what he called a punctured lung
I watched you walk with what he called useless legs
And I watched you talk without a voice
I watched you listen even though there was no sound

I watch the sun
burn your caramel flesh chocolate brown
Turn your tender feet hard

I watch the wind
sway your thin shirt and torn pants
I watch you shiver....

I watch heavenly water drench you, quench you and wash you anew
I watch you embrace a new day through the holes of your tin roof
EVERY DAY

I see you smile
I see you walk with your head held high

Dear child,
I have watched you fall
And everytime I smile
Africa my child
Every time you fall
You pick yourself up with pride

FAIL AND GROW BUT DON'T GROW TO FAIL

"I refuse to be part of the crowd" is easy to say.... much harder to do but still, aknowledging your weakness is easier than admitting defeat... weaknesses we work on,defeat is a fail and means a repeat.

Although most of us learn through failure, the more we come to understand how insignificant a single failure is the the greater spectrum of life, the easier it is to move on.

To learn is to live and to live is to learn....